I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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