shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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