Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
