if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
