You're a womanizer and a bitch.
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
