I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Is it penis luge time yet?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
