I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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