Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Even my vagina gasped.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
