i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
