the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
