too bad you live with your parents still
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
