My brain says no but my pants say off.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
