What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
