he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
