alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
