just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
My bed smells like the plague
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
