I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Khloé Kardashian Finally Speaks Out About The Tristan Thompson Cheating Scandal
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
15 Porn Memes You’re Only Allowed To Laugh At If You’re Over 18
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.