whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
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It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
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I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in