Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!