GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.