Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(720): View more from Colorado

I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.

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(636): View more from Missouri

I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes

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(971): View more from Oregon

So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"

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(636): View more from Missouri

ra ra ra ah ah

(573): View more from Missouri

wtf?

(636): View more from Missouri

sexting lady gaga style

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23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
Read it at the TFLN blog
(630): View more from Illinois

Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.

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(704): View more from North Carolina

I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.

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(816): View more from Missouri

... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.

(314): View more from Missouri

I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.

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(309): View more from Illinois

And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about

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(719): View more from Colorado

I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone

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