...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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