Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(310): View more from California

I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.

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(310): I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them. http://tfl.nu/3swr

Replies (5) Good night (867) Bad night (921)
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(902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.

(416): View more from Ontario

Apparently you chose the latter.

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(902): So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour. (416): Apparently you chose the latter. http://tfl.nu/xdpl

Replies (29) Good night (3739) Bad night (670)
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(650): View more from California

in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",

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(650): in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL", http://tfl.nu/9mnv

Replies (24) Good night (2876) Bad night (2312)
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(213): View more from California

Her brother is deaf.

(214): View more from Texas

no wonder she was so good with her hands

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(213): Her brother is deaf. (214): no wonder she was so good with her hands http://tfl.nu/zbzq

Replies (6) Good night (5471) Bad night (978)
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(416): View more from Toronto

You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..

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(416): You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill.. http://tfl.nu/sqyp

Replies (5) Good night (4211) Bad night (791)
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(636): View more from Missouri

the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"

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(636): the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking" http://tfl.nu/px7k

Replies (11) Good night (5582) Bad night (860)
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(218): View more from Minnesota

I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them

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(218): I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them http://tfl.nu/0wmz

Replies (4) Good night (2234) Bad night (881)
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(347): View more from New York

I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead

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(347): I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead http://tfl.nu/i3pk

Replies (7) Good night (1384) Bad night (614)
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(916): View more from California

I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.

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(916): I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly. http://tfl.nu/j9zm

Replies (2) Good night (1001) Bad night (495)
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(802): View more from Vermont

Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.

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(802): Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too. http://tfl.nu/k5c7

Replies (3) Good night (642) Bad night (838)
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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture

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(412): I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture http://tfl.nu/mhk1

Replies (13) Good night (1492) Bad night (401)
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(919): View more from North Carolina

Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.

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(919): Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out. http://tfl.nu/vb1r

Replies (3) Good night (1182) Bad night (917)
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(815): View more from Illinois

She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?

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(815): She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper? http://tfl.nu/3fdw

Replies (3) Good night (864) Bad night (353)
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(206): View more from Washington

Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.

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(206): Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it. http://tfl.nu/gln0

Replies (3) Good night (1384) Bad night (437)
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(902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".

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(902): I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores". http://tfl.nu/4gk3

Replies (3) Good night (755) Bad night (400)

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