Texts From Last Night

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  (512): View more from Texas

  Can Purell be used as lube?

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  (512): Can Purell be used as lube? http://tfl.nu/e9pj
  Replies (37) Good night (764) Bad night (4112)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much

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  (214): The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much http://tfl.nu/5lxi
  Replies (7) Good night (2544) Bad night (694)
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.

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  (419): I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief. http://tfl.nu/du8g
  Replies (17) Good night (1077) Bad night (3431)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.

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  (402): The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey. http://tfl.nu/ja6h
  Replies (46) Good night (11294) Bad night (865)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"

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  (303): The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick" http://tfl.nu/klf2
  Replies (55) Good night (6421) Bad night (1204)
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  (856): View more from New Jersey

  in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...

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  (856): in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee... http://tfl.nu/v0er
  Replies (63) Good night (5628) Bad night (666)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in

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  (732): no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in http://tfl.nu/h08n
  Replies (6) Good night (5730) Bad night (979)
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  (270): View more from Kentucky

  The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower

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  (270): The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower http://tfl.nu/ihik
  Replies (17) Good night (7249) Bad night (1128)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?

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  (734): Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold? http://tfl.nu/ybs2
  Replies (7) Good night (3168) Bad night (823)
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  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.

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  (262): Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell. http://tfl.nu/5ggd
  Replies (3) Good night (1043) Bad night (1616)
• Favorite

  (775): View more from Nevada

  That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.

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  (775): That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn. http://tfl.nu/5r2c
  Replies (7) Good night (2782) Bad night (665)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants

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  (248): I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants http://tfl.nu/k0mn
  Replies (6) Good night (1351) Bad night (440)
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Yesterday you said I was the best.

  (1-570): View more from Pennsylvania

  No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.

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  (570): Yesterday you said I was the best. (1-570): No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference. http://tfl.nu/was6
  Replies (3) Good night (717) Bad night (544)
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."

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  (615): Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy." http://tfl.nu/rhbz
  Replies (1) Good night (754) Bad night (593)
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.

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  (512): I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult. http://tfl.nu/45g5
  Replies (2) Good night (191) Bad night (345)

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