the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
