I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
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I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
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There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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