Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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