so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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