Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Randomize
