The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
