Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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