Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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