I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
