I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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