Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
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