also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i was born a porn star she said
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
