his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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