You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
