The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
