i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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