come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
