i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
