he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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