did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
