Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
