his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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