I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
