They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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