dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
