where am i from again
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
