Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize