I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
