So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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