i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
