I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
