i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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