Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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