I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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