somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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