and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Randomize