Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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