I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
