i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
