A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I'm both gender and math confused
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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