he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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