All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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