Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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