You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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