I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
