Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
