ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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