Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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